A Few Dance Tips for Follows

A while back, I blogged about dance tips for leads, and promised that I would follow up with dance tips for follows.

1. Let the leads lead. This isn't a gender thing. It's totally based on the role you choose in a particular dance. Only one person can lead per dance, and when you decide to be a follow in that one dance, your job is, well, to follow. If you really want to lead, then I encourage you to switch roles and learn the lead's part. It's fun, it's more work than you might think, and it might even help you become a better follow in the end. 
2. Ask people to dance, but don't be offended by no's. A guy once told me that it's easier to ask a woman to marry you than to ask her to dance. A bit of hyperbole, perhaps, but it is intimidating for a new dancer to approach unfamiliar and gorgeous women such as yourself. When you ask the guy, you spare then the effort on that round, which generally makes it less intimidating to ask you next time. However, sometimes people turn you down. Sometimes, they give you gracious reasons like, "I need a break," or "This song is too fast/slow/old/new for me." Other times, they just turn you down flat. My official advice in the context of this blog is to not take it personally, and don't hold it against them. They probably just sprained their toe or broke up with a girl who looks exactly like you. In real life though, what I have typically done in a case like that is assume that the person thinks I can't dance, and go find a really good dancer, then come back and show off right in front of them. Because I'm small-minded like that. And I've also been known to remember that person who wouldn't dance with me on August 10, 1955, and would subsequently not want to dance with them ever again. Don't be like me. Just assume the person who turned you down can't handle your radiant beauty at the moment and needs a few seconds to adjust. They are, after all, only human.
3. Don't apologize. This is something I do all. the. time. and I wish I would stop. When things go wrong in a dance, I still apologize, even though I say in every class, and I said in item #1 above, the lead is the lead. Your job is to follow the directions given. If the directions are vague, confusing, conflicting, or come too late, you just can't do it. It's not your fault. It's not even really the lead's fault--they are figuring it all out, too. So just roll with it. Don't apologize. Own it and on rolling. 
4. Develop your frame, but stay relaxed. Oh, the big conundrum! This is like the holy grail of all forms of social dance. In order to dance with a partner (either as a lead or a follow), we have to have dance frame, or energy, across our core and upper bodies. Without the frame, leads can't effectively send information and follows can't act on it. It's like dancing with a drunk toddler. But if we get too much frame, then we're like C-3PO from Star Wars. In case you aren't as much of a nerd as I am, I included a photo. 

   

   Droids would have a little too
   much dance frame.

   The trick is finding the happy medium. Energy when we need it, relaxation when we don't. The only way you can find that medium is by actually dancing and having helpful leads who will give you feedback. Sometimes it's hard to hear, but it helps. Early on, a lead I really liked (and still do!) told me, "You know, it's really hard to lead a Whip, or pretty much anything, if you don't have frame." Point taken. I worked on framing up. Then I went too far. I got to a point where I was more like Goldenrod in the photo on the right. I went to workshops, and apparently guys felt their poor little arms being ripped out of the sockets. So sad. They would ask me to relax, loosen up, etc. And apparently I finally found the sweet spot, because just this week at the same dance, I had two (TWO) people tell me I was the only woman at that venue they could dance with and not have to worry about getting their arms ripped off. That's really more like Chewbacca's thing, but I was pretty happy to hear the feedback. I mentally patted myself on the back, and I felt like I could happily retire my dance shoes at that moment. But I won't, because I still have so much more to figure out. Like freestyling. And what to do when leads go on a footwork tangent. But these are topics for another day!

Chewbacca might have good rhythm,
but he really could rip your arms off.

Last tip: take lessons. We have new classes starting frequently. Check out http://www.gottaswing.com/fredericksburg-va/, and if you aren't in Fredericksburg, Gottaswing has classes all over the DMV area. And if you aren't there, use Google and find some classes near you! And then get out and find some social dances, and just dance as much as you can.

If you have more helpful tips for follows, you can post them as comments.

Top Five Reasons Why People Don't Take Dance Lessons. And Why You Should

It's almost time for our dance lessons to start again, which means I have been trying to convince people to sign up for them. Which, in turn, means that I have been hearing all the top reasons why people turn me down. No judgement, now. Maybe dancing just isn't your thing, and that's totally fine. But if dancing is your thing, but you think there's a roadblock, I want to remove that block for you.

So here are some of the most common reasons people tell me they can't dance, followed by my responses to them. If any of these are your reasons, I hope my responses convince you that you should be dancing!

If you really have two left feet,
you have more serious problems
than lack of dancing skills

1. I have two left feet. Really? Where do you buy your shoes? I think you actually have a right and a left. You just don't actually know which one is which yet. And that's ok, because as I know from teaching exercise classes, I frequently do not know which is my left or right, either. So I often say, use the foot on the water-fountain side of the room. Muscle memory is a huge part of the process. It's just like tying your shoes. The first time you do it, you have to think about the little rabbit going over the log and into the hole, but after you do it 35 times, you never have to think about it again. 
2. I have no rhythm. Rhythm is a learned skill. It certainly comes easier for some people than others. Those that played an instrument have an advantage. But even if you can't find a beat with both hands, we have drills to help with that. Another strategy that helps anyone is just listening to music and trying isolate the sound of the drum within the song. Even if you aren't 100% successful at the beginning, your ears are learning.

   

   Musicians on a beach in Havana

3. I don't have a partner. Don't tell the married people I said this, but you are almost better off NOT having a partner when you start dancing. You will meet a lot of new friends. You will have no guilt about dancing with everyone. No one will be jealous if you start chatting with your new friends after class. You will be able to rotate freely among the other dancers and ask as many questions of them as you want. We change partners often in class for many reasons. It helps everyone learn, and it also helps defuse tension when maybe married couples aren't entirely agreeing on how a move should be done. So don't worry about showing up solo. You'll fit right in. (That is how I started, too).
• The corollary of this issue is 3A: I do have a partner, and I love him/her so much, I don't want to share/rotate. That's OK too. You can come to a Saturday dance and take a beginner lesson. We'll let you step out of the rotation. However, we have found through our extensive experience that our ongoing weekly lessons work best when all the couples rotate. SO, if you can't bear to be away from your sweetie, we offer two options. Option 1) Arrange a private lesson for just the two of you. I charge $60/hour, and I pro-rate for any segment of the hour. Option 2) You can put together a whole group of your attached friends, and we'll set up a special, non-rotating, semi-private lesson at your location or ours. Oooh, l'amour 💕💕
4. I am too old. No one is ever too old to dance. Check out our heartthrob, the lovely Jean Veloz, at 93. Sure, learning a new skill at an older age may take you a little longer than it did in your youth, but it also helps protect your brain's health.
5. I have no coordination. Um, No coordination? Really? Can you walk? Run? Bike? Swim? All these things require a lot of coordinated movement. It's just that you mastered those skills long ago. The only thing that stands between you and dancing is learning to dance is time and repetition, so I hope to see you out there soon on the dance floor and in our classes!

To register for our dance classes, you can sign up online at http://www.gottaswing.com/fredericksburg-va/. If you have any questions or if you'd .like to set up a private or personal group lesson, please email me at valerie.cox.webber@gmail.com.