How the University of Virginia helped make me a competent, if somewhat judgmental, human.

I graduated from the University of Virginia many years ago. I went on to get my Master's from George Mason. Because I have the contrast of the two schools, there are certain personality traits I identify as characteristic of UVA. As a disclaimer, I know lots of people who didn't go there who also have these traits, and a few who went there who don't, but for the most part, certain traits are sort of typically Hoo-vian.

For one, we have a strong trait of precision that tends to drive others crazy. There is a right way and a wrong way to do things, and "my way' is of course, the right way. This is a habit born of having to get your citations 100% correct, and also needing to have your facts straight, because professors would absolutely call you out for errors. But in post-educational life, it extends to various trivial facets of being. For example, there is a right way to put the plastic lid on a disposable coffee cup so the cup doesn't drip. And if the barista doesn't put it on that way, you have to fix it. (The drinking hole must be 180 degrees across from the cup seam, in case you wondered).

Words must be used correctly. Even if I intuitively know what a person is trying to say, I will challenge them if they use the wrong word. I recognize this is highly irritating when people are trying to talk about something like social media. Even though I know what people are trying to say, I can't stop myself from pressing them on which item they actually mean. I do recognize that is not a fantastic trait to have, but it stems from that love of precision.

People who thrived at UVA also had to have a strong respect for deadlines. Papers were due when they were due. The professors (back in the old days) would set a turn-in box outside their office doors. If the deadline was 5pm on Thursday the 5th, they would pick up that box at precisely 5. If you arrived at 5:05, the box was gone. Slipping it under the professor's door at that time with a very sad note about your sinus infection, your 105-degree fever, and explaining how your boyfriend broke up with you earlier in the week and left you crushed and destroyed would do nothing. Your paper was late. Maybe the professor had a policy in which they would take only 30% off your paper grade for lateness, or maybe they would refuse to accept it at all. We all knew that the professors would adhere to whatever policy they set out in their syllabi. No exceptions.

We were also rather competitive. To be accepted there, you had to excel among your high school classmates, so you sort of developed a taste for standing out academically. Then you got to UVA and everyone else was just like you: smart, precise, dedicated. So you had to work a whole lot harder to excel. And we liked that. We liked digging deep, finding more inside of us, working harder, and doing more than we thought we could.

Because I spent some critical formative years in this environment, I sometimes assume these qualities come standard with all humans, and I'm frankly pretty surprised when I run into people who don't have them. Because I value these traits, a lot of my friends also tend to be precise, dedicated, intense and focused. The very idea of not turning in your work (in real life, things like paying bills and showing up for work) surprise me.

So I'm always surprised when I encounter people of the opposite personality type. Don't get me wrong, there's a real place in the world for folks who are relaxed, happy-go-lucky and free form. I just don't understand them. How do you function when you enter into obligations you know you can't fulfill? How do you take on enterprises you'll never be able to manage, and then just shrug when it all falls apart around you, over and over again? 

I have no answers. But in my personal journey, I am really working on a couple of things. First off, understanding that I make mistakes myself, just different types. I need to do a better job of NOT expecting everyone to be intense and over-scheduled. I'd like to find a beauty in the laissez-faire attitude, but it is hard when those attitudes hurt people around them over and over again. I also need to get a better radar for detecting that devil-may-care personality type. It would probably be easier to get along with these folks if I could see them coming. So I might say, hey, that's a great person to go drinking with, but I don't really want to be their roommate or business partner. 

We all are who we are. We have our inborn natures. We can work toward personal growth or accept ourselves as we are. I am trying to grow, trying not to judge others so harshly, but also working on putting my trust in the right people and becoming better at understanding my fellow humans' strengths and weaknesses, whatever they may be.