Sometimes, life gets crazy.
I'm not talking about the kind of crazy where one morning, you overslept and missed the bus and forgot to pack lunch, I mean crazy like six months of extended insanity. Maybe you just had twins, or you are trying to finish your dissertation while you are also homeschooling four kids, or you are going through a divorce, and then your mother suffers a stroke that leaves her physically challenged, and you are her primary caretaker. Ongoing, long-term CRAZY.
People will say things to you like, "Make sure you take care of yourself." But after a while, there are so many things to take care of that you really start to wonder what taking care of yourself actually means. So I thought I'd break it down into self-care by levels of insanity. Keep in mind that the ideas expressed in level 1 remain good ideas as you become more spazzed out, it's just more impossible to imagine having the opportunity to achieve such luxurious expenditures of me-time. You still may need and want all the self-care activities described in level 1 as you approach DefCon 5, it's just harder to get there.
DefCon 1. Things really aren't that bad.
You are experiencing the routine stress of a normal life. You have a job, yay! And it keeps you busy. Sometimes, it's difficult getting food on the table, making it to the gym and finding time to do your hair. In this case, self-care may mean taking time for a nice massage or a mani-pedi. Or perhaps journaling and going to the therapist.
DefCon 2. Things are a little crazier, but just in the short-term.
Your in-laws, about 30 of them, are coming to your house for Christmas, and everything must be perfect. You must hand-make enough food and shop for each guest. If people are bringing food, they will want you to tell them what to bring. There's about a week of planing for the food and a month of shopping involved here, but you know it will all end on Christmas Day. In this scenario, self-care may include everything from DefCon 1, if you are so lucky. But if not, make sure you get a shower on party day, and budget time to do your hair and makeup so that you are not still in your pajamas, covered in flour and sporting bed-head when everyone shows up. Remember, they can all bring a dish to share, and if things aren't perfect, who cares?
DefCon 3. Things are starting to get real.
Maybe you are overworked during a peak season like tax time or Christmas, or possibly trying to finish grad school while raising little kids. This is a longer-term situation, but it's still bearable because it's all positive. When you look around, you may see piles of clean laundry taunting you, and you may have some dishes in the sink that really need to be washed. You say to yourself, once I get through finals/Tax season, I am going to "_________." During the stress phase, you know there is a light at the end of the tunnel, so you can plan awesome self-care events like vacations for your break times. During your rush times, self-care is down to making sure you eat actual human meals on a daily basis, and brush your teeth and put yourself into pajamas and your own bed, instead of downing a bag of microwave popcorn and a bottle of wine before falling asleep on the sofa.
DefCon 4. You've had a few anxiety attacks.
The big difference between DefCon 3 and 4 is that you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel anymore. You are dealing with a situation that has no set expiration date, like a loved-one's illness, the loss of a job (and probably working a few stop-gap jobs while trying to job-search) or possibly going through a major life change like a divorce. Every day brings you something new to deal with, a thousand decisions to be made that must be made RIGHT NOW, and none of them are what you would like. You have become so accustomed to the piles of laundry that you accept them as part of the landscape. You've given up on eating real human food and think that a hot dog from 7-11 is an excellent source of protein. At DefCon 4, self-care means calling in reinforcements. Hopefully you have friends of family who are always saying, "If you need anything, let me know." Well, let them know that you would love about an hour of their time to help you put away some laundry and wash dishes so you can go take a nap or a shower, or whatever you need the most.
DefCon5. I'm so sorry you're here.
This is sustained, long term crazy. In my fantasy world, I think that self-care in DefCon5 looks like running away to Jamaica and never coming back. Perhaps changing my name. The vegetation is so lush in Jamaica, I feel like I could live in the jungle and survive off the mangoes and bananas for quite some time. However, I would definitely stick out like a sore thumb, and I don't think it would be realistic. So, real-life self-care at this level means setting some boundaries that you probably should have set at DefCon 2. You are one person. You can't do for everyone. When crazy eventually becomes the "new normal," you must adapt. Change the situation. Get help. Hire people if needed, or call on family and friends.
And if that fails, spend the last few dollars on that plane trip to Jamaica. And look me up when you get there. Oh right, you won't be able to find me because I'll be hiding in the wild.
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