What do you mean, self-care?

Sometimes, life gets crazy.

I'm not talking about the kind of crazy where one morning, you overslept and missed the bus and forgot to pack lunch, I mean crazy like six months of extended insanity. Maybe you just had twins, or you are trying to finish your dissertation while you are also homeschooling four kids, or you are going through a divorce, and then your mother suffers a stroke that leaves her physically challenged, and you are her primary caretaker. Ongoing, long-term CRAZY.

People will say things to you like, "Make sure you take care of yourself." But after a while, there are so many things to take care of that you really start to wonder what taking care of yourself actually means. So I thought I'd break it down into self-care by levels of insanity. Keep in mind that the ideas expressed in level 1 remain good ideas as you become more spazzed out, it's just more impossible to imagine having the opportunity to achieve such luxurious expenditures of me-time. You still may need and want all the self-care activities described in level 1 as you approach DefCon 5, it's just harder to get there.

DefCon 1. Things really aren't that bad. 
You are experiencing the routine stress of a normal life. You have a job, yay! And it keeps you busy. Sometimes, it's difficult getting food on the table, making it to the gym and finding time to do your hair. In this case, self-care may mean taking time for a nice massage or a mani-pedi. Or perhaps journaling and going to the therapist.

DefCon 2. Things are a little crazier, but just in the short-term.
Your in-laws, about 30 of them, are coming to your house for Christmas, and everything must be perfect. You must hand-make enough food and shop for each guest. If people are bringing food, they will want you to tell them what to bring. There's about a week of planing for the food and a month of shopping involved here, but you know it will all end on Christmas Day. In this scenario, self-care may include everything from DefCon 1, if you are so lucky. But if not, make sure you get a shower on party day, and budget time to do your hair and makeup so that you are not still in your pajamas, covered in flour and sporting bed-head when everyone shows up. Remember, they can all bring a dish to share, and if things aren't perfect, who cares?

DefCon 3. Things are starting to get real.
Maybe you are overworked during a peak season like tax time or Christmas, or possibly trying to finish grad school while raising little kids. This is a longer-term situation, but it's still bearable because it's all positive. When you look around, you may see piles of clean laundry taunting you, and you may have some dishes in the sink that really need to be washed. You say to yourself, once I get through finals/Tax season, I am going to "_________." During the stress phase, you know there is a light at the end of the tunnel, so you can plan awesome self-care events like vacations for your break times. During your rush times, self-care is down to making sure you eat actual human meals on a daily basis, and brush your teeth and put yourself into pajamas and your own bed, instead of downing a bag of microwave popcorn and a bottle of wine before falling asleep on the sofa.

DefCon 4. You've had a few anxiety attacks.
The big difference between DefCon 3 and 4 is that you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel anymore. You are dealing with a situation that has no set expiration date, like a loved-one's illness, the loss of a job (and probably working a few stop-gap jobs while trying to job-search) or possibly going through a major life change like a divorce. Every day brings you something new to deal with, a thousand decisions to be made that must be made RIGHT NOW, and none of them are what you would like. You have become so accustomed to the piles of laundry that you accept them as part of the landscape. You've given up on eating real human food and think that a hot dog from 7-11 is an excellent source of protein. At DefCon 4, self-care means calling in reinforcements. Hopefully you have friends of family who are always saying, "If you need anything, let me know." Well, let them know that you would love about an hour of their time to help you put away some laundry and wash dishes so you can go take a nap or a shower, or whatever you need the most.

DefCon5. I'm so sorry you're here.
This is sustained, long term crazy. In my fantasy world, I think that self-care in DefCon5 looks like running away to Jamaica and never coming back. Perhaps changing my name. The vegetation is so lush in Jamaica, I feel like I could live in the jungle and survive off the mangoes and bananas for quite some time. However, I would definitely stick out like a sore thumb, and I don't think it would be realistic. So, real-life self-care at this level means setting some boundaries that you probably should have set at DefCon 2. You are one person. You can't do for everyone. When crazy eventually becomes the "new normal," you must adapt. Change the situation. Get help. Hire people if needed, or call on family and friends.
And if that fails, spend the last few dollars on that plane trip to Jamaica. And look me up when you get there. Oh right, you won't be able to find me because I'll be hiding in the wild.

Depression, weight loss, weight gain

I find it interesting and rather frustrating that when our little animal bodies go through times of stress, we release a hormone called cortisol, which (among many other things) makes us want to eat carbs[1]. Another thing cortisol does is increase our body’s tendency to store fat in our abdominal area. To put it in layman’s terms, when you get stressed out, you want to eat a whole bag of cookies and it all goes straight to your belly and/or thighs and butt. You probably already know that.

If we stay stressed for long enough without properly chilling out, cortisol has even worse effects on our systems. Eventually, chronic stress will take a negative toll on the digestive tract. Where once we craved the whole bag of cookies, eventually, it will become difficult to eat anything, and digestion and absorption become compromised. You probably already know this, too. At least once in your life, you may have sat down to dinner with a date who decided to start a fight as soon as the entrees arrived. The waiter sets the once-beautiful lobster/steak/pasta in front of you, now rendered totally inedible by argument. If not, consider yourself blessed. 

Once we reach this phase of stress, we may begin to drop some stress-related weight. I’ve been doing this for a few months now. My weight loss is still under 10 pounds, but I am a generally fit person not trying to lose a lot of weight, so it’s a little frustrating to me. Also annoying is the fact that cortisol doesn’t release its hold on abdominal fat just because it won’t let you eat. The net result is that I am dropping weight from around my already scrawny lower-legs and upper chest, while my belly and butt hold onto it tightly.

If I were to continually repeat this stress cycle over the course of my life, I imagine that I would eventually end up looking like a potato propped up on toothpicks. 

I searched the Internet for a plan to combat the potato-toothpick outcome, and I could find nothing specific. Most of the Internet’s advice was geared toward managing the symptoms of depression (see a professional therapist) and keeping down weight gain (get exercise). All good advice, but it didn’t really address the stress-related weight-loss issue. 

So as a personal trainer and group fitness instructor, I will offer my personal plan of attack to manage this moment that I’m going through, just in case it helps anyone else: 

·     Unwind at the gym. Make sure your exercise includes a mind-body/stress management element like Yoga or Tai-Chi. 

• ·     Focus on moderate-intensity exercise. High intensity exercise is fun, but it adds stress to the body, and releases more cortisol into the blood.
• ·     Take group classes. It’s good to be in a group with other people, especially when you are feeling down, and even when you don’t really feel like it.
• ·     Lift weights. Weight lifting will help build or maintain muscle mass to keep the body from cannibalizing its own muscle mass if you aren’t eating properly. In my personal anecdotal experience, moving weight is also an excellent appetite stimulant. Again, don’t go crazy. Focus on moderate weight and increase gently over time to avoid injury, and adding additional stress and cortisol.
• ·     Make your meals a sanctuary. Allow yourself a half-hour of quiet, stress free time for each meal. If that means you need to eat alone and lock yourself in a storage closet with a candle and Spotify’s Deep Sleep Playlist, do it. You deserve time to digest without conflict.
• ·     Plan easily digestible meals. I am a huge fan of smoothies, because I feel like the cold, semi-liquid ingredients can slide in between the most stressed-out intestines. However, commercially prepared ones can be loaded with sugars and low in nutritional quality. Half a banana, a milk of choice, and a scoop of protein powder tossed together with a few ice cubes in a blender will keep you moving for a few more hours. Add avocado for some healthy fats, greens if your tummy can tolerate them, maybe a beet if you are feeling wild and crazy. Following is a link to some clean-eating smoothie ideas. All very simple and low-sugar: https://www.fitnessmagazine.com/recipes/drink/smoothie/clean-eating-smoothie-recipes/
• ·     Plan easily made meals. If you are already dealing with depression and stress, you know you aren’t actually going to cook the five-course meal, no matter how great it looked on the Food Network. Keep the meal plans simple, and there’s a greater chance you’ll make the food. You can toss a family pack of chicken thighs in the slow cooker with salt and pepper on Sunday, and do absolutely nothing else to it for 5 hours, and you’ll have proteins for the week. Buy few types of vegetables (broccoli, potatoes, sweet potatoes) that you can microwave or roast to go along with it, and that’s dinner in a few minutes all week long. I pull a lot of meal plans from Eatingwell.com http://www.eatingwell.com/recipes/21148/seasonal/spring/dinner/quick-easy/. I like how they organize them so that breakfast, lunch and dinner use many of the same ingredients, which is efficient and economical, and none of their meals take terribly long to make. 

My final piece of advice for managing depression and weight loss and gain? Don't feel like you have to keep it a big secret. You don't need to tell everyone all the details of what you are going through, but you can tell your friends that you are having a rough time, and let them know what you need. Like, "Hey, friends, I am really stressed out, and it would help me if you would come to yoga with me to give me some motivation to get there."

Meanwhile, if anyone would like to come to yoga with me, I teach like 5 times a week, so just ask, and I'll tell you where I am. And we can just breathe together.

Namaste, friends!

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[1]Dina Aronson, MS, RD, Today’s Dietitian 
Vol. 11 No. 11 P. 38, Cortisol — Its Role in Stress, Inflammation, and Indications for Diet Therapy

http://www.todaysdietitian.com/newarchives/111609p38.shtml